what you wanted may not have been what you needed
Summer is favorite season. I live for the sun and heat — but there’s an appeal to autumn and winter (it’s not the pumpkin spice or snow though). And at the time of writing this, it’s currently raining and I’m sitting with the windows open listening…it’s bliss.
For me, the appeal of autumn and winter is the transition from all things living and lush to all things dead and barren. OK, that sounds a bit morbid, but hear me out…
It’s a time when things slow down and stand still. Nothing is growing. Animals go into hibernation. Persephone retreats to the Underworld and the earth sleeps.
Personally, I tend to enter a period of reflecting. I start by reflecting on my word of the year — how it shaped and impacted my year, whether or not I lived up to it.
This year, my word has been momentum. My mantra: keep moving forward. My tarot card: the chariot.
Earlier this year, I would have told you that momentum meant continuing to devote time to organizations and groups. I thought it was progress in networking. Progress in my fitness journey. Progress in making friends. Progress in my career.
Momentum meant that I kept pushing forward to hit all of my goals.
But as is the nature of moving forward, some things inevitably get been left behind.
Some by accident, some by necessity.
Regardless of how things (and people) have been left behind, it’s still hard to turn around and realize just how much I have let go. When I think about it, I feel sad. I feel lonely. Because even though am an independent introvert, it’s still hard to feel forgotten by those you once counted on for support.
I can recognize that part of my growth was the support from others. I can also recognize that in my growth, I have left much of that support behind.
There’s anger and bitterness there, but ultimately there is acceptance.
In the end, it was my choice to move forward. My choice not to look back. My choice to keep to myself.
It was my choice to let go and shift focus inward.
It’s a bittersweet feeling colored in relief and peace.
Relief at being able to stretch out in ways I felt I couldn’t before. Peace in knowing that ultimately, I am doing what is best for me. What is needed.
Keeping my momentum going has been difficult, but it has led to so much growth — professionally, emotionally and spiritually. And as I move forward into the final months of this year, I will take time to reflect on the things I’ve lost, the people I’ve let go and the myriad of ways I have grown and all the ways I want to continue to grow.
That is the nature of having momentum. You don’t stop.
The first thing that strikes me with these two cards are the different directions each woman is facing.
As we turn inward and begin to reflect on the past year, take time to look at your blessings. Accept that you cannot change the past. Open yourself up to the unknown of the future. Trust that if you honor yourself fully, the universe will provide what you need.
The woman in the “Blessed” card may be facing one way, but the wind is moving her in the opposite direction. We can only move forward and open ourselves up to the possibilities of future blessings. She isn’t looking at where she is going, but rather reflecting on where she has been. This is the perfect time of year for reflecting.
If you’ve never journaled, I would encourage you to write down some of the good things that have happened this year (there are plenty of bad, so let’s focus on the good for now).
There are still so many windows of opportunities open to us — as we end the year we should take a look at where we’ve been so we can determine where want to be and what we can do to get there.
The woman in “The Fates” card is taking a moment to rest in her journey. She has reflected on her past — the good and the bad — and is focused now on acceptance. Remember that we cannot control everything. If we are not ready for something, then we are simply not ready. We will have to wait until we are and in the mean time, continue to work on ourselves until we can be ready.
Remember that to be who you need to be, you have to let go of what you did. Change is needed, but cannot always be controlled.
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