I am evolving.
And that’s a good thing, but that doesn’t make it an easy thing.
Change is hard, y’all.
But I’m finding that change is a lot like working out. It really sucks when you’re doing it, but afterward you feel good about yourself.
Earlier this week, my weekly energy reading for my Patreon subscribers had a theme of evolution. One of the cards I pulled was the phoenix.
Themes of transformation, change and evolution are popping up everywhere for me lately, so that’s what I’m musing on as we go into the full moon.
Last night, I went to work out at a night class. I typically don’t do the night classes because either our evenings are too busy, or I’m spending time with my husband. However, I did not get an opportunity to work out earlier in the day and felt like I needed to get that work out in.
Sure, I could have skipped a day and been fine, but I didn’t want to. I have been working really hard at making working out a daily habit. And February is Transformation February, and I’m nothing if not a little competitive. So I needed to go. But it was cold and I’m a baby.
I waffled back and forth for a solid ten minutes about going. My husband told me to just work out in the house. And I considered it, but I knew in my current state of mind, I would not be giving it my all. So one minute before class, I put on a bra and got in my car and drove down the street (I could have walked, but like I said…it was cold).
I am very glad I went and got that work out in. Ten minutes in, my hoodie came off. I realized that in my rush to get out the door before I could change my mind, I left my water bottle (thank goodness for friends who shared theirs). I powered through my workout using heavier weights than I was used to (again, thank goodness for friends who kept me motivated).
When I got home, my husband told me he was proud of me. I was proud of me, too.
Two weeks ago, I probably would have skipped the work out.
Building my workout habit isn’t the only way I’m changing, though. I’m changing in other ways that are just as positive, if bittersweet.
In my evolutionary process, I have lost a friend.
Now, I don’t mean I lost a friend as in this person passed away, but rather, our friendship came apart. It happens. Our lives were headed in different directions. We had different priorities and obligations. Different wants and different goals in life.
So we broke up.
No real hard feelings, just a simple (if a little sad) parting of the ways.
But even though the ending was mutual, I find myself disappointed. Disappointed that our friendship had to end instead of evolve. I’ve had friendships that evolved before, why couldn’t this one?
In the end, I think we were both changing, but not in ways that allowed our relationship to change. Maybe it could have, I don’t really know. Maybe it didn’t need to. Maybe we gave each other all that we needed to give.
There’s a phrase: Some friends enter your life for a reason. Others for a season.
Something like that anyway. I think we were seasonal friends and the season ended. Seasons are always changing.
I don’t tell you this story for sympathy, but more so to show that we — and our relationships — are always evolving and changing, because we are always evolving and changing.
Another example is my marriage.
My husband and I are worked out together over Superbowl Sunday. We’ve never really done that before, but now it’s a new way for us to connect. We’re cooking dinner more and more together vs just one of us in the kitchen. A couple weeks ago, we invited another couple over for an adult game night (we let the kids eat in the living room with a movie and their own games) — we’ve never really had friends over like that and it was really nice and definitely something we’d like to do more regularly.
In those ways, our marriage has changed and evolved.
So while in my evolution I lost a friendship with one person, I have also gained friendships with several others and have even strengthened my marriage.
Change is doesn’t have to be a bad thing, even when it feels like it’s worst thing in the world. Change can mean loss, but that loss does not have to define us. How we handle change and transformation defines us.
We can fight it or we can embrace it.
I choose to embrace it and evolve.
What are you choosing to do?
Moon + Magic
Full Moon in Leo: February 9, 2020
There’s no reason to be so tangled up. This full moon is urging you to be more like the spider and less like the fly.
The three of swords is often a card that signals heartache. One of the traditional images for this card depicts storm clouds, rain and three swords piercing a heart. This can be at time of confusion or emotional entanglement. With the moon in dramatic, attention loving Leo, this is definitely not a time to make rash decisions or take drastic action. Instead, use this time to mend. Rather than getting caught up in the drama, do some reflection. Rip the issue apart at the seams and then allow yourself to heal. Sew yourself back up — and a bunch of other metaphors having to do with webs and thread.
I actually really love that I chose to do two cards this time and that the spider turned up with the 3 of Swords. Not just for the obvious string/web association, but because the spider, in this deck, is in the element of earth, which is in direct opposition to the air element of the swords. It’s a good reminder to not let our thoughts get carried away and to remain grounded in reality.
Spider is also patient, which is what this moon is asking you to be with yourself. The spider takes its time spinning its web and then it waits patiently for the fly to get stuck.
Whatever issues or turmoil you are facing during this phase, remember that it’s just that — a phase. Whether you are dealing with the loss of a friend or struggling to develop and maintain better habits, remember to be patient with yourself. It takes time to overcome loss and it takes time to develop a habit.
As much as we may want to rush results, we can’t. Let go of the disappointment and allow yourself moments of peace and tranquility.
Full Moon in Leo
Leo. Attention loving Leo.
Leo gets a bad rap sometimes for being shallow and superficial, but Leo is much more complex than that. Leo is passionate and driven. Leo is strength and assurance.
As we work on evolving into a new place in our lives, Leo says do it with passion strength. Go all in. Be bold.
This is a good time to rediscover the things you’re passionate about. Or to discover new passions.
I never in a million years would have thought that I would be someone who looks forward to working out every day, but I genuinely do. I am discovering a new passion for being active, fit and healthy.
I am also learning to sew and though it’s slow going, I am enjoying it. Which, if you’re keeping tabs on me, I am finishing up a tarot mat and will be sharing that with my Patreon audience…but you can expect to see some sneak peeks in the coming days.
Full Moon Magic
The full moon falls on Friday, February 9. Use this night (or the surrounding nights) to do something different. Do something that scares you. Something you would normally say no to. Whatever it is that you would normally find yourself making an excuse not to do and just do it.
Whether that is going to a night work out class or attending an event alone. Go to dinner by yourself. Dinner too much? Try doing lunch instead. Bring a book as your company.
Do one thing this weekend that you either find terrifying or that you avoid. It’s time to channel that Leo energy and be a little daring.
It’s time to evolve.
Some prompts for your journaling practice inspired by the cards pulled and the full moon in Leo:
The Grounded Bucket List. Make a list of at least 3-5 things you have always wanted to do, but have been scared to try. Reasonable things that you can challenge yourself to do within the next couple of weeks. Maybe you want to try a Pinterest craft or you want to get involved in your community by volunteering. Make a list of at least 3-5 actionable things you can do. What’s keeping you from doing these things? How can you find strength and courage to do them? Bonus: If you do one of the activities, write about it. How did it feel when you got there? When you did the activity? How did you feel when it was over? What did you learn about yourself? Some of my goals include a wreath craft I saw in a FB group that I’m afraid of messing up, being more open and vulnerable to my audience and trying a new art technique that looks intimidating.
Coming Undone at the Seams. Write about something that has been weighing heavily on your mind. Something that’s been frustrating, disappointing or bothersome in anyway. Why is it bothering you? What role did you play in how this particular situation affects you? How can you change the situation or change how you are handling the situation? Bonus: Share the situation with a friend and see how they would handle a similar situation. Can you apply some of their methods to your own situation? I did this earlier this week with a friend. I talked about the friendship I lost and how it was affecting me. I got solid advice, felt lighter and was able to begin to let go of the disappointment I was harboring.
Patience, Iago. Make a list of things you need to be patient with. Write why patience is important for each them. Write about where you started and where you are now. For example, I need to be patient with my weight loss. I have been working out for several months and don’t always feel like I look any different from where I started. However, when I reflect on my journey, I see that while I may not look much different, I feel different. I’m using heavier weights. My stamina and endurance are higher than when I started. I remind myself that I am not chasing a fad diet, but a lifestyle change.
Try something new. That’s it. Just go out and try something new. A new recipe, a new restaurant, a new hobby, a new book. Whatever. Do something new and then write and reflect on how it made you feel. My new thing? I joined a kickball league and our first practice is this week. I haven’t played since I was in grade school, but I’m excited to try something new and make new friends in the process. And yes, I realize this is similar to the first prompt…but the first prompt is more write down things you want to do. This one is challenging you to actually do something. Besides, it’s good to have it twice…maybe you’ll find the courage to do it. Remember, Leo is all about being bold.
Thank you for subscribing to “Moonlit Musings”. The next issue will release with the Thursday before the new moon on Feb. 23, 2020. If you find yourself curious for a personalized tarot reading, feel free to book a session through my website. Alternatively, you can check out my Patreon, where subscribers can gain access to weekly energy readings and personalized moon readings for as little as $3/mo.